(Cone of Shame)
When you’re not who you want to be, you don’t feel like you should be around God. That’s how I feel most days. I sin, realize it, then progress to shy away from the Lord in embarrassment and shame. If you’re less or worse than the person you think you ought to be by now, you feel like you can’t really go to the Lord. I can’t pray, I can’t crack open my Bible and I don’t really want to be around any other Christians, let alone RCF. Why is that?
We all feel this impulse, by the way. If you know what I’m talking about, (and you do) then you’re not alone. I was talking to my best friend in college who recently said that he had gotten out of the habit of spending time with Jesus every day simply because he had sinned and was too ashamed of himself to face the Lord. At the time, I didn’t know what to say except, “I feel you, man.”
Now on the one hand, that’s the most natural thing in the world to feel, but on the other hand it makes no sense. That’s a feeling that’s got to go. If I think I have to have it all together to hang out with Jesus, I should prepare myself for a massive disappointment. These past two years I’ve been blessed to hear testimonies from my CG members. Could I sincerely, genuinely, with all my heart, reallllly believe that I need it have together all the time after hearing of G’s testament in my friends’ lives? A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y not! As long as I am breathing on this earth, I am NOT going to have it all together. Believe that.
That doesn’t mean I’m not changing and it doesn’t mean I won’t grow, but it does mean I need to learn to accept something true about myself. I can’t/won’t go up to Jesus. He came down for me. He didn’t say, “Come to me all you who are awesome and have their shiz together.” He said, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened.”
P.S. SHOUTout to GRACE KIM. Hollllla~