I’ve seen my ugliness everyday and everyday I wake up and decide that “today I’m going to change!” I’ve fought admitting this to myself. I know that preaching a try harder/do better sermon to myself is not the way to go about it. You’ve heard me say it, yet I still do it. -_-

I can be pretty obsessive in my pursuit of getting better. I think most of us are. We spend our days either trying to figure out how not to sin or trying to figure out how to make things better after we have sinned. A pursuit of ourselves.

“We spend too much time thinking about how we’re doing, if we’re growing, whether we’re doing it right or not. We spend too much time pondering our failure and brooding over our spiritual successes. In short, we spend way too much time thinking about ourselves and what we need to do and far too little time thinking about Jesus and what he’s already done.”

We have an obsession with sin. We have an obsession with wanting to grow and be better. It’s what consumes us. Think I learned that the most my junior year. Constantly striving, not enough delighting. We are told to “be the best that we can be” and when we aren’t we despair and question God. “I’m trying G! Why aren’t you allowing me to succeed?” In a double bind here…Surely if we are busy serving others and conjuring up all we have to love them then we will be too busy being the best upperclassman we can be to think of ourselves. No, actually by doing this we are still self-focused. You can argue that and I will listen but the truth is that anything done out of our efforts is done for our own glorification. Anything mustered up from a will to do better still comes from us.

Of course, I’m still all about self-improvement. After all, the life of a Christian is about growth, I think. It becomes an issue when it becomes your obsession. Nonetheless, the truth that we must believe in is this: our change is truly His desire and it is truly a job that only He is big enough to do. Our G is greater, our G is stronger, our G is higher than any other.

To remedy all of this, to truly live outside of our self, our sin obsession must be turned into a Christ obsession. Focusing on what’s been done for us. Swimming in the grace that He has poured out on us, saving us despite our sinful, self-seeking heart. Reveling in His unending love for us when we push Him aside in our self-reliance and desire to be number one.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Romans 5:3-4

PS. Turns out we may need to change the tagline for this blog. MAINLINE SENIORS!!!