So I confess, I completely forgot about Lent this year until I saw all of the Catholics on campus walking around with the ashes on their foreheads. I was not at all spiritually prepared to even begin thinking about the meaning of the Lent season. I have been feeling a little lost lately, not grounded, floating from one task to another. I had forgotten my end goals, the meaning behind my work, and the reason that I live. Fortunately, during this Lent season, which I started over a week late, I have found time to stop and Selah.
For Lent I am fasting lunch. Alright I wouldn’t call it fasting since I do eat a small snack to protect myself from hypoglycemia. But basically instead of going to eat lunch during my hour break that I have every day I have been going to the Villanova church to Selah. It’s beautiful, empty, and QUIET! It is true that you hear God best in the quiet because I have been having the most amazing times of prayer and reflection in there. Besides the short presence of a tour and a random man with a very loud cough I have finally found a place to be alone with God.
God has once again shown me the sinfulness of my heart. He has reminded me of the people he has placed in my life to love that I have judged instead. He has reminded me of the many blessings that He has given me that I have not been using to further His kingdom, but to further my own pride. He has reminded me that the reason that I want to be a doctor is to serve His people and that studying without remembering this is not fruitful. He has reminded me of His sacrifice and the unconditional love that I am so incapable of fathoming and utterly undeserving of. He has opened my eyes to the spiritual warfare in my heart, how Satan is trying to take advantage of my sins to make me feel unworthy, so that I can remember my worth comes from Him alone.
It is amazing the change that God has made in my heart over two short days. It has been a long time since I have found this kind of peace and encouragement in prayer. While I wouldn’t call myself transformed, I feel myself getting back on track, pouring my heart out in prayer and then stopping to listen, to be humbled, and to appreciate the amazing-ness of God. I feel so unworthy of everything that He has given me! I encourage you all to stop and Selah and please pray that this Lent season and beyond will continue to be fruitful!
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:7-8